Other Goose Read online

  J.otto Seibold has written, cowritten, and illustrated many children’s books, including Olive, the Other Reindeer. He was also the first person to draw children’s books on a computer. With Other Goose, J.otto introduces a new element to his art—spray-painted backgrounds (which have given him very colorful fingernails). J.otto lives in Oakland, California.

  Love always to T.A. and U. -J.o.S.

  Special Thank You to Andrea Menotti for all her hard work and bright ideas!

  Table of Contents

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  DEDICATION

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  OF EGGS AND ACCIDENTS

  Part One

  Part Two

  Part Three

  Epilogue

  OF JACKS, JILLS, AND PETER PUMPKIN PICKLE PEPPERS

  Jack and Jill (and Bill)

  Jack B. Nimble

  The Splats

  Peter Pumpkin Pickle Pepper

  Simple Simon

  OF LOST SHEEP AND LITTLE LAMBS

  Little Boy Blue Come Blow Your Tuba!

  Little Asleep Bo Peep

  Mary Had a Little Band

  Blah Blah Black Sheep

  OF OLD MOTHERS, OLD GEESE, AND OLD MOLES

  Old Mother Hubbard

  There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Sneaker

  Old King Coal

  Old Mother Goose

  OF SPIDERS, MICE AND MORE THAN TWENTY BLACKBIRDS

  Little Miss Muffet {muf-fay}

  Hickory Dickory Clock

  Don’t Sing a Song of Sixpence

  Hey Diddle Fiddle

  OF STORMY WEATHER AND SINKING TUBS

  Rain, Rain, Don’t Go Away

  Rub-A-Dub-Dub

  It’s Raining, It’s Boring!

  GRAND FINALE

  COPYRIGHT

  Let it be said that it is difficult for me to gather my thoughts in any other form than rhyme. But as this volume of altered classics may be shelved among “Mother Goose” books, a few words of explanation may be in order.

  First, let me tell you a little secret about Mother Goose. SHE IS NOT A GOOSE! She is actually a person. And while I certainly compliment her rhymes, some of them have grown quite dusty over time. I mean, what good is a pocket full of rye anymore, I ask you?

  That is why I am here.

  I am actually a goose.

  And I know how to rhyme.

  I have taken Mother Goose’s rhymes and, let us say, re-nurseried them. I have made them more modern, more fresh, and well…more Goosian. I have also found an illustrator named J.otto Seibold (who is not a goose) to create pictures for my rhymes. I find a rhyme is rather lonely without a picture.

  Rhymes are important, you see. Before there were books, important thoughts were passed down by way of rhyme. Why rhymes? Because they get stuck in your head! That’s just how rhymes are. Especially Goosian rhymes. They are Extremely Memorable Words.

  So, without further ado, I present my collection, recorded as I remember them best: the Other Goose book of nursery rhymes.

  Of Eggs and Accidents

  PART ONE

  Humpty Dumpty wasn’t that tall.

  Humpty Dumpty went to the mall.

  He searched all the shelves

  again and again

  until Humpty found

  a true bargain.

  PART TWO

  Humpty Dumpty went for a stroll.

  Humpty Dumpty stepped in a hole.

  His shoe got stuck;

  he was in a bind.

  So Humpty had to leave

  that shoe behind.

  PART THREE

  Humpty Dumpty had a big shoe.

  Humpty Dumpty used to have two.

  He clopped in a circle

  again and again,

  but his shoes would never

  be together again.

  EPILOGUE

  Three Days Later…

  All the park’s squirrels

  and all the store’s mice

  turned Humpty’s shoe

  into something not nice.

  Jacks, Jills, and Peter Pumpkin Pickle Peppers

  JACK AND JILL (AND BILL)

  Jack and Jill

  and a pickle named Bill

  strolled atop a mountain.

  Jack bent down

  to pick some dill,

  and the pickle jumped in

  the fountain.

  JACK B. NIMBLE

  Jack B. Nimble,

  the name did stick.

  Over the candle,

  over the wick,

  Jack be famous

  for this trick.

  THE SPLATS

  Jack Splat paints abstract.

  His wife paints country scenes.

  Together they fill the canvas up

  and live the life serene.

  PETER PUMPKIN PICKLE PEPPER

  Peter Pumpkin Pickle Pepper

  played the pipe—

  no clarineter!

  Played in storms,

  any weather!

  Played because it made him better.

  SIMPLE SIMON

  Simple Simon was good at rhyming

  and not a whole lot else.

  He went to the fair

  for that is where

  he went to fetch his pie.

  But up in his head,

  his thoughts instead

  began to churn and fly.

  So just as before,

  he came back to his door

  forgetting what it was he went for.

  That’s Jack Horner

  over in the corner.

  He doesn’t get a poem!

  Of Lost Sheep and Little Lambs

  LITTLE BOY BLUE

  COME BLOW YOUR TUBA!

  Little boy blue

  come blow your tuba.

  The sheep are in Venice,

  and the cow’s in Aruba.

  But where is the boy

  in charge of them all?

  He’s chasing chickens in Nepal.

  Time to worry?

  Not at all!

  Here’s his number…

  Give him a call!

  LITTLE ASLEEP BO PEEP

  Little Bo Peep

  did fail to keep

  her little lambs beside her.

  She went to sleep

  while counting sheep,

  and the lambs went far and wider.

  Some climbed trees,

  some chased bees,

  and one even flew on a glider.

  Back they crept

  while Bo still slept

  and hatched a plan to hide there.

  When she woke,

  no lamb spoke.

  In fact, they all got quieter.

  She searched and called

  and almost bawled.

  Then they all jumped out and surprised her!

  MARY HAD A LITTLE BAND

  Mary had a singing lamb

  whose voice was widely known.

  Everywhere the lamb would sing,

  he never sang alone.

  Mary played a guitar jam

  with her little lamb.

  And so they played throughout the years

  and all throughout the land.

  BLAH BLAH BLACK SHEEP

  Baa baa black sheep,

  have you any wool?

  “Hmmm, let me see,”

  he said after a lull.

  “This is for the master;

  this is for the dame;

  this is for someone

  who lives down the lane…

  so, no!”

  Of Old Mothers, Old Geese, and Old Moles

  OLD MOTHER HUBBARD

  Old Mother Hubbard

  thought she had it covered, br />
  and her dog had thought that, too.

  Then she went to the cupboard

  where she discovered…

  No bones! No food! Boo-hoo!

  THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SNEAKER

  There was an old woman

  who lived in a sneaker.

  She had a great big stereo speaker.

  She played it so loud,

  her hearing grew weaker.

  Tell me,

  could this story get any bleaker?

  OLD KING COAL

  Old King Coal

  was a dreary old mole,

  and that was all he could be.

  He called on the phone,

  for he was alone,

  “Come fiddlers, play music for me.”

  The fiddlers did fiddle

  and fiddled for a fee:

  Three songs for three ninety-three!

  OLD MOTHER GOOSE

  Old Mother Goose

  (who wasn’t a goose)

  jumped up on a gander.

  But after a while,

  the gander thought

  it might be best to land ‘er.

  Of Spiders, Mice and more than Twenty Blackbirds

  LITTLE MISS MUFFET {muf-fay}

  Little Miss Muffet

  held an insect buffet

  featuring curds and whey.

  Along came a spider

  with a jug of cherry cider

  who said,

  “I think I’ll join you today.”

  HICKORY DICKORY CLOCK

  Hickory dickory clock,

  the mice ran up in a flock.

  The clock struck one;

  the rest had fun.

  Hickory dickory clock.

  DON’T SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE

  "Why sing a song of sixpence?

  That money doesn’t make sense.

  And who puts blackbirds in a pie?

  I really have to wonder why.

  Four and twenty blackbirds, too.

  That’s more than just a few.

  I’d say it’s quite a large amount,

  but it’s up to you to count.

  And is a pocket

  a good place to keep rye?

  I’d ask the king,

  but he’s been poked

  in his royal eye!

  HEY DIDDLE FIDDLE

  Hey diddle diddle,

  there’s a cat and a fiddle.

  The concert’s inside at noon.

  At a part in the middle,

  the cat cried a little,

  and the plate left early with the spoon.

  The little doggie clapped,

  the toothpaste stayed capped,

  and the cow cheered along with the moon.

  Of Stormy Weather and Sinking Tubs

  RAIN, RAIN, DON’T GO AWAY

  Rain, rain,

  don’t go away.

  The sun can shine

  some other day.

  RUB-A-DUB-DUB

  Rub-a-dub-dub

  three guys in a tub,

  sailing to who-knows-where.

  Blub-a-blub-blub

  there’s a hole in the tub,

  causing quite a scare.

  Glub-a-glub-glub

  three birds in a sub;

  the tub they did repair!

  IT’S RAINING, IT’S BORING!

  It’s raining, it’s boring.

  The snoring creaks the flooring.

  With that said,

  go to bed,

  and I’ll see you in the morning!

  The Grand Finale

  Copyright © 2010 by J.otto Seibold.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.

  ISBN 978-0-8118-7978-1

  Book design by J.otto Seibold, Amelia Anderson, and Eloise Leigh.

  The illustrations in this book were composed on a computer and with spray paint on wood panels with generous help from Amelia Walsh.

  AND GRATITUDE TO PIEDMONT DENTAL by DESIGN thanks FOR THE GOLD TEETH!!

  Chronicle Books LLC

  680 Second Street

  San Francisco, CA 94107

  www.chroniclekids.com

 

 

  J.otto Seibold, Other Goose

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